A KID FOR TWO FARTHINGS

 

Publicity poster for A Kid For Two Farthings (© Carol Reed/London Films/Romulus Films – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educationa/review purposes only)

In which film can you find a real-life world heavyweight boxing champion and a real-life world heavyweight wrestling champion, plus a future quantum physicist, a future mainstay of the Carry-On movies, and Britain's answer to Marilyn Monroe, not to mention the female star of one of the silver screen's most celebrated romantic 'weepies'? As I'll now explain in the following review, the answer is none other than a delightful British movie from the mid-1950s entitled A Kid For Two Farthings, which I watched earlier tonight.

Directed and co-produced by the legendary Carol Read, with the equally legendary Alexander Korda as co-producer, plus a screenplay adapted by Wolf Mankowitz from his own 1953 novel of the same title, and released in 1955 by Romulus Films, A Kid For Two Farthings centres upon a little boy named Joe (played by Jonathan Ashmore – more about him later) living in Petticoat Lane,  the wholesale/retail area of London's bustling East End, with his mother Joanna (Celia Johnson, she of the afore-mentioned weepie, which was of course Brief Encounter). Also present are their adult friends Sonia (Britain's very own blonde bombshell Diana Dors) and bodybuilder Sam (Joe Robinson, who in real life was the 1951 world heavyweight wrestling champion). Joe's father is working in South Africa as a prospector, but whether he will ever return to him and Joanna remains unanswered. In his absence, their elderly tailor neighbor and landlord Avrom Kandinsky (David Kossoff) keeps a friendly watchful eye over them, especially Joe, with whom he has a touching avuncular/grandfatherly relationship, telling him stories that more often than not the young impressionable Joe assumes to be true.

One of these is that there are still unicorns in this world but that they have all migrated to Africa, to escape persecution here in England that had been caused by the immense value of their single spiraled horns, which can grant all wishes. Sonia has been engaged to Sam for the past four years, but because he earns very little he has still not been able to buy her a ring, let alone give serious consideration to their getting married. Meanwhile, Joanna lives in unfulfilled hope that her husband, Joe's father, will one day come back home, and Mr Kandinsky is in sore need of an automatic steam press to enable him to take on more work. In short, everyone has wishes that they fervently hope will come true but have no realistic means of making them do so – until the unicorn arrives, or something rather like one.

While walking through the animal section of the local outdoor market one day, Joe spots a man walking a remarkable-looking animal on a lead in the hope of selling it someone. It resembles a small white kid (young goat – the movie's titular kid), but instead of possessing a pair of small lateral horns like normal kids, it bears a single small centrally-located one like unicorns are said to possess. Although in reality it is nothing more than a freak goat specimen (such creatures do occur occasionally in real life), infused with Mr Kandinsky's stories Joe fervently believes it to be a bona fide unicorn, and after a little haggling concerning its price he purchases the quaint little creature from its owner.

Re its price: allow me to explain the intriguing title of this movie (and originating novel). Joe offered the uni-goat's owner all the money that he had in his pockets – a grand total of three shillings and nine pence (roughly equivalent in today's UK decimal currency to 18p), which the creature's owner refused, stating that he'd rather kill it, eat its meat, and sell its hide. Desperate for that dreadful fate not to occur, Joe searched his pockets again, and found a single coin that he'd overlooked earlier – a ha'penny (the colloquial name commonly given to the halfpenny coin). So Joe offered that too, on top of his previous three shillings and nine pence – and this time the owner accepted and gave the uni-goat to Joe. Bearing in mind that the ha'penny had made all the difference between Joe not being able and then being able to buy the animal, you could say that in reality he'd bought it for a ha'penny. But that is not all: back in the 1950s, the decade in which this film was set (and released in reality), there was a very small, low-value coin still in British circulation that was known as a farthing, four of which were equal to one penny. Consequently, as two farthings were therefore equal to one ha'penny, two farthings had made all the difference as to whether the owner had sold the uni-goat to Joe. So, quite literally, Joe had successfully purchased it for two farthings – mystery solved!

 

The uni-goat from A Kid For Two Farthings (© Carol Reed/London Films/Romulus Films – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educationa/review purposes only)

From then on, beginning with small wishes, Joe implores his new pet to make them come true, and whether by coincidence or by cosmic indulgence, somehow they do. Sam, meanwhile, is coerced into taking up wrestling bouts as a means of earning money to buy Sonia her much-longed-for ring, climaxing in a grudge match against the villainous former wrestling champion Python Macklin (Primo Carnera, the real-life Italian world heavyweight boxing champion), but will Joe's 'unicorn' grant his wish that Sam will win? Or will the reality that it is merely a sickly malformed kid prove too much?

Speaking of Joe: Jonathan Ashmore, who played him when just 7 years old, comes from a serious thespian background, with his father being theatre director-actor Peter Ashmore and his mother actress Rosalie Crutchley. But this did not stop him from undergoing a dramatic career move, from acting (A Kid For Two Farthings was his only film appearance) to academia, qualifying as a quantum physicist after obtaining a PhD in this subject, and after many major contributions to physics and also physiology becoming a Fellow of the Royal Society. He is currently Bernard Katz Professor of Biophysics at University College London.

As for the future Carry On mainstay – this is none other than Sid James, who plays Ice Berg, the comic-relief spiv who spends much of the movie trying to tempt Sam into purchasing one of his decidedly dodgy engagement rings for Sonia.  Moreover, another future Carry On stalwart makes a very brief appearance – Barbara Windsor.

Carol Reed's first colour movie (and which earned him a Palme d'Or nomination at the 1955 Cannes Film Festival), with its exteriors shot in and around the genuine Petticoat Lane (which I visited back in the early 1970s and bought a small modern-day reproduction of an antiquarian globe of the world that I still have today ), and packed with notable British actors and actresses who all performed their parts well (with Kossoff being absolutely sensational), A Kid For Two Farthings is one of those whimsical, nostalgic, quintessentially British films from that particular time period that deftly mixes comedy, drama, fantasy, and gentle but unashamed wholesomeness to excellent effect throughout. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, and anyone seeking to recapture a setting and an entire way of life long gone now will do so too – of that I have no doubt.

Finally: to view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.

 

Joe Robinson as Sam and Diana Dors as Sonia, from A Kid For Two Farthings (© Carol Reed/London Films/Romulus Films – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educationa/review purposes only)

 

ALERTS FOR: THE MAGIC TOYSHOP, SING, AND HEADIN' FOR HOLLYWOOD, FROM MY EX-RENTAL BIG BOX VIDEO COLLECTION

 

Front cover of the ex-rental big box video for the British television fantasy/drama/horror movie The Magic Toyshop (© David Wheatley/Angela Carter/Granada Television/first broadcast by ITV in 1988 – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

It has become increasingly apparent to me lately that I am watching far more movies than I can possibly review, particularly now that for well over a year I've been experiencing close-up vision problems (happily, my distance vision is unaffected) that are slowing down my reading and typing abilities significantly, especially when attempting these via computer screens. I am currently on th official waiting list for a corrective operation, so hopefully this issue will ultimately prove to be a temporary inconvenience only, but nevertheless I may never catch up on the time I've lost in relation to my writings and researches.

With movies, I tend to gravitate towards the lesser-known, more unusual examples, just as I do with cryptids when researching and writing on cryptozoology; and since my Shuker In MovieLand blog began five years ago now, I've been contacted by many of its readers thanking me for reviewing movies that they'd never previously known about but which, after reading my reviews, they have since watched and very much enjoyed. Consequently, as my blog is clearly serving a useful purpose, I've devised a means by which I can alert readers to more movies than I've been able to do lately.

Namely, rather than only presenting full-length reviews or mini-reviews written by me, I shall also be providing collections of what I am referring to as alerts – i.e. short but concise accounts of movies viewed by me that I feel may be of viewing interest to others too. Each movie alert (which I shall type in blue) will simply take the form of basic details (an identifying image, the director, production company/ies, distribution/release company, and release date) for that movie, plus excerpts quoted from its own official blurb as present on the back cover of its DVD/video or press release, naming its principal stars and including a brief plot resume; or from IMBd's summary if there are insufficient details on the above-named sources. This will thereby enable readers to determine for themselves straight away whether or not the movie in question is likely be of interest to them. I may also add a comment or two of my own (distinguished by not being typed in blue) if there are any specific aspects that I wish to emphasise or expand upon.

Finally: just because they are represented here on my blog by alerts, this does not necessarily mean that I shall never produce a full review or even a mini-review of any alert-documented movies at some stage in the future. Moreover, if I do prepare full or mini-reviews of any alert movie, I shall then delete its respective alert and replace it with an alert for some other movie. So be sure to check back regularly to alert pages, as their content is likely to change from time to time.

I hope that you'll like my blog content's new, additional format, which, as explained above, will permit me to document far more films in far less time than was previously true, especially given my present close-up vision issues. But, rest assured, I shall also continue to write full reviews and mini-reviews as and when time and eyesight permit, but because of the alerts appearing on what I hope will be a much more frequent basis this will no longer be such an imperative task for me in order to keep abreast of my movie viewing. Thanks for your understanding and alert appreciation.

Anyway, to give this first set of alerts a theme of sorts, all three of the ones presented here today refer to movies that I've watched lately from my ex-rental big box video collection, which include some that do not appear to have been released in DVD or Blu-Ray (or not readily-accessible ones anyway), so may well be unfamiliar to many film fans. NB – All images are reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only.

 

 

Full cover of the ex-rental big box video for the British television fantasy/drama/horror movie The Magic Toyshop (© David Wheatley/Angela Carter/Granada Television/first broadcast by ITV in 1988)

THE MAGIC TOYSHOP

From IMBd's entry for this movie: After her parents are killed in a plane crash over the Grand Canyon, Melanie [Caroline Milmoe], a teenager girl and her younger brother and sister are sent to London to live with their uncle, Philip [Tom Bell]. There, she meets his mute wife Margaret [Patricia Kerrigan], who is mistreated by and terrified of her husband and only converses through notes. She also meets Margaret's younger brothers Francie [Lorcan Cranitch], a fiddler, and the rakish Finn [Kilian McKenna]. Her uncle is a toy maker, [and] secretly has the power to make his toys come to life, but he also maintains dictatorial control over his family and intends to exercise the same control over the new arrival.

The teleplay and story for this almost two-hour-long movie are by Angela Carter, adapted from her original novel from 1967. The latter is popularly categorized as belonging to the magic realism genre of literature, but having read it shortly after watching this movie I can readily state that, to my great disappointment, it is singularly bereft of magic – unlike the movie, which is plentifully supplied with it, culminating in a truly shocking, totally surreal climax. An incredibly difficult movie to track down in physical format but thoroughly mesmerizing and well worth seeking out, The Magic Toyshop can currently be viewed for free via a somewhat inferior-quality but nonetheless watchable full upload on YouTube – so click here to do so while you can!

 

 

Front cover of my ex-rental big box video of the American musical drama movie Sing (© Richard J. Baskin/Tri-Star Pictures/released in 1989)

SING

From my video's back cover blurb: Set on the tough, volatile streets of Brooklyn, Sing is a story of ordinary lives and extraordinary dreams. A song and dance competition set in the Brooklyn schools, 'Sing' offers the young people the chance to express their personal exhilaration, desperation and passion. Sing follows the lives of three such people – Dominic (Peter Dobson), a defiant, discontented street fighter; Hannah (Jessica Steen) who yearns for a better life; and their teacher Miss Lombardo (Lorraine Bracco), whose determination and energy is an inspiration to them both. Together, these three people become a symbol of hope and ultimate survival in a community struggling with social change.

Until I watched this movie, as a Brit I was unaware of the annual SING! competition staged in some of New York's high schools, and upon which this movie is based. Run by the schools' own students, it takes the form of a a musical theatre competition between various grades within each school. As for this movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed, Sing can currently be watched in its entirety for free on YouTube by clicking here.

 

F

ront cover of my ex-rental big box video of the American musical drama movie Headin' For Broadway (© Joseph Brooks (director/producer/co-writer)/20^th Century Fox, released in 1980)

HEADIN' FOR BROADWAY

From my video's back cover blurb: Headin' For Broadway springs into spectacular life where Fame left off. They are now looking for that starring role which is going to bring them fame and fortune – but it's a slightly more rocky path than they originally thought! This bubbly lightning-fast production will give you not only the glamour and pezzaz but also the traumas and disappointments of trying to break into the most difficult profession. An extravaganza of light and joy from beginning to end!

One of the four hopefuls whom we follow throughout the movie as they strive for that crucial shot at fame on Broadway is uber-confident extrovert Fast Eddie, played by Rex Smith, who in real life closely paralleled in the States a popular performer here in the UK, Paul Nicholas. Back in the 1970s and early 1980s, both of them were shaggy-haired, insanely handsome, highly-talented and much sought-after young actors who also happened to be successful pop singers, both with several entries to their names in the singles and album charts within their respective countries and beyond, before moving on to more serious stage and screen roles. Smith acquired worldwide fame during the mid-1980s courtesy of the TV show Street Hawk, in which he played Jesse Mach, a special police crime-fighter riding Street Hawk, which was a futuristic motorbike equipped with incredible capabilities (so, needless to say, I was a big fan of the show, never missing an episode!). Headin' For Broadway, which again I thoroughly enjoyed, can also currently be watched in its entirety for free on YouTube, by clicking here.

 

Finally: to view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's film reviews, articles, and alert batches (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.

 

 

ORC WARS (aka DRAGONFYRE)

 

Publicity picture depicting Rusty Joiner as John Norton alongside one of the orcs from Orc Wars (© Kohl Glass/Uncorkd Entertainment/Arrowstorm Entertainment – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

My movie watch on 4 June 2025 was Orc Wars (aka Dragonfyre), a low-budget but very entertaining action/fantasy movie in which the monstrous orcs inhabiting a parallel dimension threaten to invade and conquer our own world via a magical gateway linking the two.

Directed and also co-written by Kohl Glass, and released in 2013 by Arrowstorm Entertainment, Orc Wars features as its lead character a shell-shocked, traumatised American ex-Special Forces operative, John Norton (played by Rusty Joiner), who buys a ranch out in some remote American wilderness many miles from anywhere (the movie is shot on location in Utah) where he hopes to find peace and seclusion. Some hope!

For instead, what he does find is that, firstly, he is in fact the latest in a long line of world sentinels born to guard gateways to eight other parallel worlds that periodically open when our moon and theirs overlap in the sky; and, secondly, one of these gateways, situated inside a cave on his own land and near to his new home, is presently releasing from their world into ours hordes of savage, sword-wielding, arrow-shooting orcs. In addition, they are empowered but also subjugated by an insubstantial, floating witch-like entity, Anathema (great name!), veiled and shrounded in white but irrevocably evil. Anathema is played visually by Samantha Law, but with Clare Grant providing this weird character's ear-piercing, banshee-like shrieks (which occur often, albeit for no apparent reason in most cases!).

Gravity-defying but in grievous need of a manicure, this airborne multi-taloned terror is seeking to capture a fair elven princess named Aleya (played delectably by Masiela Lusha) who has fled into our world to escape Anathema's stiletto-nailed clutches, because the shrieking one plans to sacrifice the regal elf in order to gain supreme power, or something like that. Anyway, the witch has also weaponised a fire-breathing winged dragon of colossal size and seemingly unstoppable power, to add to her planned devastation of our world and ensure that the orcs recapture Aleya.

For his part, Norton can rely only upon three (briefly four) brave helpers. Aleya herself is one, a fairly diminutive but feisty long-eared lady who is immensely skilled as an archer. Another is Katie (Clare Niederpruem), the estate agent who had recently arranged Norton's purchase of the ranch and soon after his moving in there calls around to see how he is settling in, only to become an unwitting but willing – yet tragically short-lived – ally in his bid to conquer the orcs.

Then there is a blind Native American warrior named Whitefeather (Wesley John), whose family was slaughtered by orcs during an earlier incursion into our world when he was a child. Moreover, although sparing his life, they gouged out his eyes. As a result, however, Whitefeather developed mystical powers, not to mention some highly effective martial arts moves, and thereafter, as a means of avenging his family and himself, he devoted his life to helping the then sentinel of the world gate to defend it from invading orcs, before the sentinel was eventually slain by them. So now, Whitefeather has transferred his allegiance to the new sentinel, Norton.

Last but not least is Scooter (Maclain Nelson, who also served as one of this movie's co-producers), a stereotypical good ol' boy from Hicksville. Originally one of three such characters who at the movie's beginning encounter a group of Aleya-seeking orcs, he is the only one to survive that meeting. However, although he may be dumb, Scooter is also heroic and loyal, unlike his two compatriots who were nasty pieces of work (so their respective but equally gory orc-engineered demises are guaranteed not to be grieved about by the film's viewers!).

But can Norton and his small, oddly-matched band of supporters nullify the grandiose schemes of Anathema and a seemingly limitless contingent of ornery orcs? What do you think??

 

The full cover of my official UK DVD of Orc Wars (© Kohl Glass/Uncorkd Entertainment/Arrowstorm Entertainment/High Fliers – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

For a low-budget movie like this one, the orc costumes, especially the facial masks used, are very impressive, and I'm guessing that they may have been inspired by those from Peter Jackson's mega-budget LOTR movie trilogy. Speaking of which, the sentinel's sword is claimed by some reviewers to be a dead ringer for the sword utilised as Sting in this same trilogy. (Quite frankly, however, as I have more to do in my life than spend it conducting pedantic, ultimately unimportant comparisons like this, I cannot pass any opinion regarding such claims.) As for the CGI-rendered flying dragon, this is very well designed, and delivers satisfactorily too, engaging my attention whenever it appears on screen.

Although they all perform their roles well, the cast members are for the most part virtual unknowns. Indeed, prior to this movie I hadn't even heard of or seen anything featuring its lead actor, Rusty Joiner. So I looked him up online, and learnt that he is one of a growing number of former male fashion models who have since moved into the acting profession, including such now-famous screen stars as Channing Tatum, Kellan Lutz, and, perhaps most successfully of all, Mark Wahlberg. Joiner's filmography contains a fair list of film and TV credits from 2004 onwards, with perhaps his most famous role being that of Eddie in Resident Evil: Extinction (though I haven't watched this movie).

In Orc Wars, Joiner plays his Mad Max-like role very serviceably, albeit a tad heavy at times on the taciturn, laconic persona, as he seeks to rescue Aleya specifically and save the world in general, In theory,, Aleya serves as Norton's love interest. but in practice they never even share as much as a kiss – no time for romance when you're decapitating orcs by the dozen, I suppose…

The concept of this movie is potentially interesting – a fantasy world and our real world clashing in open warfare. Yet in spite of their far greater numbers, the sword-slashing, bows-and-arrows brigade of orcs never really stand a chance against Norton and his literal armoury of guns, rifles, pistols, bazookas, grenades, etc etc, all of which have been left behind by his late sentinel predecessor, Indeed, so superior are these weapons to any technology familiar to the orcs in their own world that they consider them to be magical and the sentinels, now including Norton, to be wizards. Needless to say, however, such a mismatched set-up somewhat reduces the suspense and tension that this move's frequent and full-on battle scenes might otherwise have generated.

There is also a highly dramatic event that is frequently shown during this movie but which yields a major plot hole needing to be circumnavigated if attempting to suspend disbelief regarding the movie's storyline. The gateway between the orc world and ours opens briefly whenever our moon and theirs overlap, an event that can be readily seen in our sky, and which culminates in fiery lightning flickering upon their surfaces when the two moons are perfectly aligned. So how come such a readily observable, spectacular astronomical event has never once been documented by any of the countless professional and amateur sky-watchers throughout our world's long history??

Never mind, watching Orc Wars was a fun way to pass 90 minutes or so, which after all is what a movie is all about, or should be. So I'm readily able to recommend it to anyone who can enjoy fantasy without taking it seriously.

 If you would like to watch an official trailer for Orc Wars, please click here to do so on YouTube, where you can also currently watch the entire movie free of charge if you click here.

Finally: to view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.

 

A somewhat busy publicity poster for Orc Wars, featuring its alternative title of Dragonfyre (© Kohl Glass/Uncorkd Entertainment/Arrowstorm Entertainment – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

 

A THOUSAND WORDS

 

Publicity poster for A Thousand Words (© Brian Robbins/DreamWorks Pictures/Saturn Films/Varsity Pictures/Work After Midnight Films/Paramount Pictures – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

On 22 December 2024, I watched the bittersweet American fantasy/comedy movie A Thousand Words – a film that I might never have even known about, let alone watched, had it not been for my fortuitous finding a few weeks earlier at an English outdoor car boot sale of a discarded DVD case for this movie. Sadly, the disc itself was missing, but its back cover blurb so intrigued me that I purchased a disc for it online, and now, after watching it, I'm so glad I found that empty case and thereby learned of this delightful film's existence.

Directed by Brian Robbins, who was also one of its several co-producers (so too was American A-list actor Nicolas Cage), and released by Paramount Pictures in 2012 (although filmed in 2008), A Thousand Words stars motor-mouth mega-star Eddie Murphy in, incongruously, an almost silent lead role.

He plays brash literary agent Jack McCall, who originally displays an unassailable ability to talk people into doing whatever he wants, which has resulted in him becoming a thoroughly obnoxious egomaniac, oblivious to the needs of his wife Caroline (Kerry Washington) and their young son Tyler (Emanuel Ragsdale) to receive his love, and those of his co-workers to receive the courtesy and respect that they deserve – especially his youthful, perpetually put-upon and put-down literary assistant Aaron (Clark Duke), and his faithful valet (John Gatins) who harbours aspirations as an author that Jack brusquely waves away.

But when Jack tries to con a New Age guru named Dr Sinja (Cliff Curtis) into selling him the rights to his self-help book, events take a very mystical, mortifying turn.

A supernatural Bodhi tree possessing exactly 1000 leaves magically appears in Jack's garden, and Jack swiftly discovers that every word he speaks (or even writes down) results in a leaf dropping from the tree. Consulting Dr Sinja, Jack is horrified to learn that once the tree loses all of its leaves, both it and Jack will die (clearly this particular guru knows more about spirituality than botany, or he would have been aware that deciduous trees lose all their leaves every autumn/fall, but simply grow a new set the following spring!).

Anyway, much of the movie from then on focuses upon the hapless Jack becoming helplessly and hopelessly but always hilariously caught up in all manner of outlandishly bizarre situations as he frantically strives to communicate without speaking or writing. But ultimately it all proves too much – he finally loses his job, and his wife moves out of their home, taking their son with her. Moreover, due to various unavoidable instances where he has had no option but to speak, there are virtually no leaves left on the tree.

Despondent and desperate, Jack visits Dr Sinja again, who tells him that he has to seek deep inside himself to repair the relationship that has brought him the most pain in his life. Jack's mother Annie (Ruby Dee), whom he does love very much, has dementia, so he visits her at the care-home on her birthday, even though he knows that she will not recognise him, and will mistake him for her deceased husband Raymond, Jack's father, who walked out on them when Jack was only a child, leaving Jack feeling unloved by Raymond and resentful toward him ever afterwards.

Sure enough, his mother once again mistakes Jack for Raymond, telling him how she wishes that their son Jack would forgive him for walking out on them as she knows how much Jack was always loved by him, and that nothing is more important than family.

Never realising until now that his father had indeed loved him, Jack visits his grave and whispers outloud "I forgive you" – and at that same moment the last three leaves fall from the tree, and Jack falls unconscious to the ground. But does he die, or has he found redemption and salvation? Watch this very funny but also very poignant, moving movie and find out.

Some of you know that for many years my beloved little Mom was my only family, so when she passed away eleven years ago, so too did my entire family, and I've been alone ever since. Consequently, when Jack's Mom told him that nothing is more important than family, I began to shed too, just like the tree, except that it wasn't leaves that I was shedding.

Although not a Christmas-themed movie, A Thousand Words exudes a similar festive, feel-good glow, making it perfect viewing for this time of year. It promotes a very important message too: your words are powerful, so never waste them, or use them unkindly – always use them wisely, and kindly, make them count.

Worth mentioning, incidentally, is the notable number of major stars who were variously considered or auditioned for this movie's lead role of Jack McCall that ultimately went to Murphy – they include, for instance, Richard Ayoade, Ice Cube, Will Ferrell (also considered for the role of Dr Sinja), Jamie Foxx, Kevin Hart, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Rock, Will Smith, and Wesley Snipes. Moreover, Queen Latifah and Jada Pinkett Smith were among those considered for the role of Caroline McCall that ultimately went to Kerry Washington.

After I posted a much shorter, preliminary version of this review of A Thousand Words on Facebook earlier today, one reader mentioned to me that the film currently holds a 0% critics approval rating on the movie review website Rotten Tomatoes (though it does also hold a 46% audience approval rating on there), which, quite frankly, is an absurd state of affairs. Having said that, I do tend to find that forums like those on Rotten Tomatoes and other sites that allow reviews to be posted by users tend to attract a disproportionate number of splenetic offerings, from deliberately provocative would-be critics trying to make a name for themselves, whereas more fair-minded users seem less incited or incentivized to post a review. This is a great shame, because it results in many perfectly good movies receiving unjustifiably low ratings, due to the pack-hunting feeding frenzy copycat approach that frequently occurs once a couple of bad reviews have been posted for a given film, with each subsequent reviewer attempting to outdo the previous ones in terms of the bile and venom that they can spill forth.

I personally feel that A Thousand Words is definitely one movie that has suffered from this. Now had it been The Adventures of Pluto Nash (click here to read my thoughts concerning this Eddie Murphy movie), I could have understood it more!

So whereas some professional critics dismissed A Thousand Words back in 2012 as formulaic and outdated, and more recent unprofessional ones have attacked it from all sides, I loved it (as is so often the case with films that critics have disparaged), and I'm sure that plenty of you will too if you get the chance to watch this film, and give it a chance when doing so.

If you would like to view an official trailer for A Thousand Words on YouTube, please click here.

Finally: to view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.

 

THE GIANT CLAW, AND SO MUCH MORE! MINI-REVIEWING ANOTHER SIX SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY MOVIES

 

Publicity poster for The Giant Claw (© Fred F. Sears/Clover Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

Here are another half-dozen mini-reviews of science fiction and fantasy movies that I've watched of late, or very late!

 

 

Another two publicity posters for The Giant Claw (© Fred F. Sears/Clover Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

THE GIANT CLAW

On 19 July 2023, after a mere 64 years since first showing my face in this weird world of ours, I finally watched (in the shape of a very decent colorized version) that classic 'so bad that it's good' 1957 monster movie The Giant Claw, directed (and also narrated) by Fred F. Sears, and released by Columbia Pictures. To be fair, the actual storyline (gigantic alien bird from an antimatter galaxy attacks and destroys numerous military aircraft over North America) and acting (lead star was Jeff Morrow, as civil aeronautical engineer Mitch MacAfee) are decent enough for a 1950s B-movie of this genre. Instead, the problem lies almost entirely with its metaphorical elephant in the drawing room or, to be more literal, its giant bird in the skyline! Owner of this movie's titular talon(s), the bargain-basement model bird utilised is not just fowl but foul – it resembles the kind of tawdry, rubber-necked, bent-beaked ultra-cheapo 'prize' that you might find yourself taking home (or dropping into the nearest garbage bin) after successfully shooting a series of floating plastic ducks at a downtown funfair! Once it makes its first appearance, any hope of taking the movie even remotely seriously thereafter is entirely lost, its mad glazed gaze staring into the camera through a pair of enormous white ping-pong ball-like eyes, and its scrawny plumage recalling an irredeemably clapped-out feather duster! In other words, The Giant Claw is precisely the kind of monstrously crazy creature feature that I just had to review here in my movie blog, especially as I'd previously read so much about it (Morrow confessed in an interview, for instance, that he had crept incognito into a cinema screening this film at its premiere and was so ashamed at the laughter and jeers that arose from the audience each time that the bird appeared on screen that he lost no time in creeping back out in case someone recognised him!; and Ray Harryhausen had originally been selected to create the bird but the movie's budget was so low that they had to use a cut-price alternative model creator in Mexico City instead). And now, finally, I've actually viewed it in all its horrendous glory. A total turkey that's strictly for the birds? Please click here to watch an official trailer for this movie on YouTube and decide for yourselves! Or click here if you'd like to watch free of charge on YouTube the entire colorized movie version that I watched on there.

 

 

A couple of publicity posters for The Hidden (© Jack Sholder/Heron Communications, Inc./Mega Entertainment/New Line Cinema – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

THE HIDDEN

On 25 October 2024, I finally watched a classic 1980s sci fi movie that I'd long intended to see – The Hidden. Directed by Jack Sholder and released in 1987 by New Line Cinema, it's all about an evil half-insect/half-slug alien that physically occupies a human host to make him/her do its violent will, thereby turning its victim into a homicidal killer before exiting when the host is killed by police etc, and then surreptitiously entering a new human host. Its ultimate goal is to enter and control the next President of the USA, but on its trail is an indefatigable alien law enforcer in the human guise of fake FBI agent Lloyd Gallagher (played by Kyle MacLachlan), assisted by cynical LAPD cop Detective Tom Beck (Michael Nouri), who for much of the film has no idea what on Earth (literally!) is happening. He is particularly perplexed as to why hitherto law-abiding citizens are abruptly turning into mass murderers, until Gallagher eventually has no option but to tell him the jaw-dropping truth. The Hidden is a very tense, thrilling movie that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout, thereby fully justifying this claim as made in one of its posters included here, culminating in a literally explosive climax that at long last publicly exposes the alien villain in its revolting true form to an astonished, horrified human audience, followed by a most unexpected but very moving, touching finale. Highly recommended!! A follow-up film, The Hidden II, was released in 1993, in which it is revealed that the bug/slug alien from the original movie had secretly laid some eggs before being killed, and these are now beginning to hatch – uh-oh… I'll have to seek out this sequel and watch it at some stage. Meanwhile, please click here to watch an official trailer for the original movie on YouTube.

 

 

A publicity poster and an official VHS video of Curse of the Crystal Eye (© John Tornatore/New Horizons – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

CURSE OF THE CRYSTAL EYE

My movie watch on 27 March 2024 was Curse of the Crystal Eye. Directed by Joe Tornatore and released in 1991 by New Horizons, this is one of a seemingly countless number of action/adventure movies spawned by other studios in the wake of Paramount's immensely-successful Indiana Jones blockbusters, in which a rebel character seeks ancient treasure and faces untold life-threatening challenges during his daring quest. In this particular offering, the rebel in question is ex-mercenary Luke Ward (played by Jameson Parker), who is gifted a sizeable priceless crystal that acts as an eye to guide him and his romantic-interest sidekick, namely diplomat's daughter Vickie Philips (Cynthia Payne in her final big-screen role), to the fabled long-hidden treasure of none other than Arabian Nights thief-leader Ali Baba. And guess what? Before you can say "Open Sesame", he and Vickie plus their back-up team of brawny mercenaries duly find the cave in which the ancient temple containing the treasure is concealed – but this is just the beginning, as the cave does not relinquish its splendorous contents quite so easily. Nor are they alone and unchallenged in their mission to relieve the cave of said contents... Curse of the Crystal Eye is an innocuous and mildly entertaining but instantly-forgettable adventure flick that passes 90 minutes' worth of time during a rainy spring afternoon or chilly winter evening, but signally lacks the much-vaunted fiery dragons promised in its publicity material. Shucks! Please click here to watch an official trailer for this movie on YouTube, or click here to watch the entire movie on there, free of charge..

 

 

French publicity poster for Pitch Black plus this movie's alien life-form the bioraptor (© David Twohy/Grammercy Pictures/Interscope Communications/Universal Pictures – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

PITCH BLACK

On 11 August 2024, I watched the sci fi movie Pitch Black, directed by David Twohy and released in 2000 by Universal Pictures. Pitch Black is the first entry in the Chronicles of Riddick film franchise, and it stars Vin Diesel as dangerous, taciturn, and thoroughly enigmatic criminal Richard Riddick. He is one of several passengers to survive the crash-landing of their space-craft on a mysterious desert planet seemingly devoid of all life forms – until an eclipse blocks out its suns. Then the terrifying bioraptors emerge from their caves – very large winged horrors that slaughter most of the passengers as they bid desperately to survive these nocturnal nightmares. A reluctant Riddick decides to help the other passengers, equipped as he is with specially-modified eyes that now possess perfect night vision – very useful during an eclipse where darkness brings forth monstrous entities of the murderous kind, Mercifully, however, these killer creatures are physically wounded by bright light, so the passengers strive frantically to equip themselves with any kind of light source (even capturing tiny bioluminescent creatures inside transparent glass jars to use as living lanterns – these creatures are actually the bioraptors' larvae), and pray that the eclipse will only be of short duration. The bioraptors are superbly designed, totally alien in form, and are seen clearly enough (even in dark scenes), frequently enough, and long enough for my interest to be maintained throughout. So much so, in fact, that I now intend to watch the other three entries (one of which is actually an animated featurette) presently in this series, with a fifth due out in 2025. Very enjoyable. Please click here to watch an official trailer for this movie on YouTube.

 

 

Three publicity posters for Synchronic (© Justin Benson/Aaron Moorhead/XYZ Films/Patriot Pictures/Rustic Films/Well Go USA Entertainment - – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

SYNCHRONIC

My movie watch on 8 May 2024 was the sci fi thriller Synchronic. Directed by Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead (Benson also wrote and co-produced it), and released in 2019 by Well Go USA Entertainment, it stars Anthony Mackie and Jamie Dornan as New Orleans paramedics Steve and Dennis. They are also best friends, and are dealing with a series of grisly deaths linked to a mysterious new designer drug after which this movie is named. When Dennis's teenage daughter Brianna vanishes without trace, however, Steve learns from the drug's guilt-ridden creator its top-secret but shocking unexpected side-effect. Whereas adults with a calcified pineal gland who take a tablet of Synchronic can visualise the past and appear in it as ghost-like entities that can be injured or even killed there but physically remain in the present, youngsters with a non-calcified pineal who take a tablet are bodily transported into the past, and without a second tablet they are stuck there, forever! Steve has recently learnt that he has a pineal cancer, which has prevented his pineal gland from calcifying – and so, unlike most adults, if he takes a Synchronic tablet he can actually visit the past physically. Consequently, he uses a stash of tablets to search for Brianna in the past, but will be find her before his stash runs out, especially as Synchronic's creator has meanwhile bought up every available supply of it and destroyed them all before committing suicide? The film would have been interesting were it not so remorselessly bleak, and dark – in every sense. Not only was it overwhelmingly depressing, but also it seemed to have been shot almost entirely at night, filling the screen with shadows and near pitch-black vistas for far too much of its 102-minute running time. Even when Steve visited the past it was almost always at night. Did the studio forget to pay their electricity bill, I wonder? Synchronic offers an unusual premise, certainly, and provides a very poignant ending, but overall it was far too depressing for my tastes. Please click here to watch an official trailer for this movie on YouTube.

 

 

Two publicity posters for The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (© Henry Levin/George Pal/George Pal Productions/Avernus Productions/MGM – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THE BROTHERS GRIMM

On 12 April 2024, I sought out and, after owning it for many years, finally watched my sell-thru video of the classic 1960s fantasy movie The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm, which was co-directed by Henry Levin and George Pal (with Pal also producing it), and also extensively featured marionettes created by Pal for the fairytale segments. Filmed in spectacular curved-screen Cinerama, and released in 1962 by MGM, it is basically a largely imaginary, highly romanticised history of Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, the two 19th-Century German brothers who famously collected and chronicled many of their homeland's traditional folktales. In the present movie, however, only Wilhelm (played by Laurence Harvey) is portrayed in this way, with Jacob (Karlheinz Böhm) presented as a highbrow law scholar who initially has neither time nor patience for his brother's fairytales, but is eventually won over to his cause, helping Wilhelm with his collating and preserving of them in published book form. Interspersed between the film's biographical storyline are three of their collected fairytales – 'The Dancing Princess' (a constricted version of 'The 12 Dancing Princesses'), 'The Cobbler and the Elves', and 'The Singing Bone', the latter two featuring some wonderful Pal puppetry/stop-motion animation, especially the dragon in 'The Singing Bone', and all three of them are sumptuously staged. A host of famous names also appear, including Russ Tamblyn, Barbara Eden, Jim Backus, Terry-Thomas, Claire Bloom, Martita Hunt, and Yvette Mimieux. This is a delightful movie very reminiscent in execution and whimsical treatment of its two sibling subjects' lives of the 1952 movie musical Hans Christian Andersen with regard to its own titular storyteller (played by Danny Kaye). Grimm by name but certainly not grim by nature, The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm is definitely a fun-filled, thoroughly enchanting film for all the family to enjoy. Please click here to watch an official trailer for this movie on YouTube.

Finally: to view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.

 

George Pal's stop-motion dragon model from The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (© Henry Levin/George Pal/George Pal Productions/Avernus Productions/MGM – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)