Publicity poster
for The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (© Roy
Rowland/A Stanley Kramer Company Production/Columbia Pictures – reproduced here
on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes
only)
There are some seriously strange movies out there,
and speaking of which: wow, did I watch a strange movie on 2 February 2022? I
most certainly did – because the film in question (visually dazzling
nonetheless on Blu-Ray) was the nowadays highly divisive fantasy movie musical The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. Indeed, it's
fair to say that if films were foodstuff, this one would be Marmite – either you
love it or you hate it, there's no middle option. So I'll leave you to read
this review and decide for yourself whether or not it's to my taste…
Directed by Roy Rowland and released in 1953 by
Columbia Pictures, The 5,000 Fingers of
Dr. T. was written (as in its story, screenplay, and even its songs'
lyrics) by none other than American author/cartoonist Dr Seuss (aka Theodor Seuss
Geisel) – he of such beloved and famously child-friendly books (and their
respective on-screen animated featurette versions) as The Cat in the Hat, Horton
Hears A Who, How The Grinch Stole
Christmas, and (my own particular favourite) The Lorax.
In stark contrast, however, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T comes across imho as a thoroughly mad
movie, and is one that has terrified generations of children following its
original early 1950s release when it was a major commercial and critical box office flop.
I first saw it on TV in b/w, as a child during the
late 1960s, after being warned by my mother beforehand that it was a decidedly weird
film (so much so that she was initially reluctant for me to view it at all), and I did find parts of it
decidedly scary (the dungeon elevator, anyone?). Now, more than five decades
later, I have finally seen it in vibrant full colour, but although it is
visually sumptuous, awash with bright rainbow hues, extravagant polychromatic
costumes, and spectacular ultra-surrealistic sets replete with spiraling curves
and curvaceous spirals, this movie remains just as macabre as I remembered it –
how anyone, let alone Dr Seuss, could ever have thought it suitable for kids
beats me.
The plot of The
5,000 Fingers of Dr. T is all about a small fatherless boy named Bart
Collins (played by Tommy Rettig) whose widowed mother Heloise Collins (Mary Healy)
is insistent that he learn to play the piano. However, his piano teacher Dr
Terwilliker (Hans Conried, in outrageously albeit hilariously OTT mode throughout)
is a terrifying figure – and even more so in the nightmare that Bart
experiences after falling asleep while practicing his piano playing.
In his nightmare, Bart finds himself imprisoned
within the sinister Terwilliker Institute where his bombastic piano teacher is
now an insane dictator who has created an enormous piano to be played by 500
enslaved children – his 5,000 fingers. And to make matters even worse, Terwilliker
has hypnotized Bart's mother, who works for him at his Institute, in order for
her to do his evil bidding against her own child; Terwilliker even plans to
marry her, and thus become Bart's new father (all of this scenario potentially representing
a subconscious dream-extrapolated fear by Bart that in real life his imperious
piano teacher is exerting too much influence on his mother?).
Bart's only 'ally' against the tyrannical Dr T is August
Zabladowski (Peter Lind Hayes), a plumber/repairman in the real world who often
attends to plumbing jobs and general repairs around their house that Bart's
mother is unable to do, and is looked upon by Bart as something of a father
figure. In his nightmare, however, Bart encounters Zabladowski carrying out
work for Terwilliker at the Institute, but despite Bart's beseeching he seems
less willing to believe what the boy is telling him about Terwilliker's
machinations and mesmerisings, and more willing simply to turn a blind eye and
deaf ear to all of it, in order to ensure that his work is completed on time so
that he gets paid by the terrible Terwilliker. Only after encountering the
awful truth at first hand (and with most of the movie over with by now anyway) does
Zabladowski finally condescend to help poor Bart in rescuing the other 499
enslaved children as well as himself and his mother.
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T originally ran for 2 hours but received such bad
previews that it was cut to just 92 mins for its theatrical release – judging
from what remains, I dread to think what horrors were deleted! (Actually, I do
know of one particularly infamous example, but it's far too distasteful to
mention here, in a family-friendly blog, so I won't – check it out on YouTube
if you can't contain your curiosity; also, no fewer than nine of the original
20 songs and instrumental numbers were excised following the previews.)
Notable for featuring one of the weakest, most
spineless father figure characters I've ever had the displeasure of watching in
what is supposed to be a fun-filled kids' movie – yes indeed, Zabladowski, I do
mean you! – as well as a brief appearance from a young pre-West Side Story George Chakiris as a dancer, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T is without doubt among the most bizarre,
unsettling 'family' films that I have ever seen. Following its ill-fated
premiere, when some of the audience apparently walked out after just 15
minutes, even Seuss himself referred to it (and in classic Seuss-speak no less!) as a "debaculous fiasco",
and there is no mention of it in his official biography.
Moreover, in view of how dramatically it flopped
when first released, I am guessing that many other viewers must have shared my
misgivings, and which in turn may well explain why, when finally re-released
some years later, this menacing musical was retitled, somewhat aptly, as Crazy Music – as if in a bid to cleanse
it of all immediate, tainting connotations with its disastrous debut.
Speaking of music: as seen in the publicity poster opening
the present Shuker In MovieLand review, when originally billed as The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T this film musical was advertised with the tag line
"Songs You'll Never Stop Singing". Hah! I pride myself as someone
with an ear for a catchy tune and clever lyrics, and a memory for recalling
such songs long after first hearing them – but those in The 5,000
Fingers of Dr. T
(lyrics by Seuss but music composed by Frederick Hollander) evidently made no
impression upon me whatsoever, because I can't recall a single line or melody
from any of them.
What on earth went wrong with what must
have offered such promise at its concept – a visually gorgeous family-friendly
film musical devised by the unfailingly popular Dr Seuss? It should have been a
recipe for movie magic, but instead it became a big-screen bomb of atomic
proportions (one of which actually features in this movie – don't ask!). In my
opinion, and quite apart from the indisputable facts that it lacks both comedy
and cohesion, its inherent problem actually lies in its originality, i.e. in the
very nature of its staging – as a live-action movie.
We've all seen animated movies in which
the villains perform all manner of truly despicable, even deranged acts and activities
– but they get away with them as far as not eliciting adverse audience reaction
is concerned because they are only cartoon characters, and by definition we
tend to suspend disbelief instantly and entirely when watching cartoons.
Live action, however, is a very different
matter. What may seem merely zany and detached from reality in animated movies can
appear deeply disturbing if attempted in live-action films – and what,
therefore, irrefutably damned The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T in my view is that its style of presentation on-screen
is to all intents and purposes that of a live-action cartoon. This in itself
was not unexpected, because the stories in Dr Seuss's books are indeed presented
as cartoons, but The 5,000 Fingers of Dr.
T revealed that his offbeat, somewhat subversive brand of humorous lunacy
simply did not transfer well from a cartoon format into a live-action
counterpart.
Remember too that this movie's plot was an original
story, not an adaptation from a pre-existing Dr Seuss book – had there been
such a book, the audience would have already been familiar with the movie's
storyline and thence might not have been so shocked or startled by it. Perhaps,
then, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T
should have been issued in book form first, and not just to familiarize readers
with it but also to test their reaction to it. For if such a book had elicited
a bad response, and with unfavourable reviews too, the chances are that no
movie of it would ever have been produced, thus saving time, talent, and a very
considerable financial input all round.
As it was, the fallout was sufficient for Dr Seuss
never to attempt another live-action feature-length movie (a few based on
various of his books have been made by others since his passing in 1991), which
is a tragedy. Handled differently, I feel sure that he could have created
movies as memorable and spellbinding as his books and animated releases.
Ironically, however, and as often happens with movies that so notoriously
crashed and burned upon their original release long ago, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T has actually attracted quite a cult
following in recent years, and is even considered something of an art film – or
something, anyway!
If you wish to experience for yourself a sample of what
in my opinion is an unequivocally weird but very far from wonderful cinematic curiosity,
click here
to view an official (albeit rather sludgy-looking!) trailer for The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T on YouTube.
Finally (and with apologies to Dr Seuss): I cannot say if you will like, you
may prefer to ride a bike, but this I say (no need for thanks), as kiddie fayre
this movie tanks!
To view a complete chronological listing of
all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one
instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a
complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.
