There are some seriously strange movies out there, and speaking of which: wow, did I watch a strange movie on 2 February 2022? I most certainly did – because the film in question (visually dazzling nonetheless on Blu-Ray) was the nowadays highly divisive fantasy movie musical The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. Indeed, it's fair to say that if films were foodstuff, this one would be Marmite – either you love it or you hate it, there's no middle option. So I'll leave you to read this review and decide for yourself whether or not it's to my taste…
Directed by Roy Rowland and released in 1953 by Columbia Pictures, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. was written (as in its story, screenplay, and even its songs' lyrics) by none other than American author/cartoonist Dr Seuss (aka Theodor Seuss Geisel) – he of such beloved and famously child-friendly books (and their respective on-screen animated featurette versions) as The Cat in the Hat, Horton Hears A Who, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and (my own particular favourite) The Lorax.
In stark contrast, however, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T comes across imho as a thoroughly mad movie, and is one that has terrified generations of children following its original early 1950s release when it was a major commercial and critical box office flop.
I first saw it on TV in b/w, as a child during the late 1960s, after being warned by my mother beforehand that it was a decidedly weird film (so much so that she was initially reluctant for me to view it at all), and I did find parts of it decidedly scary (the dungeon elevator, anyone?). Now, more than five decades later, I have finally seen it in vibrant full colour, but although it is visually sumptuous, awash with bright rainbow hues, extravagant polychromatic costumes, and spectacular ultra-surrealistic sets replete with spiraling curves and curvaceous spirals, this movie remains just as macabre as I remembered it – how anyone, let alone Dr Seuss, could ever have thought it suitable for kids beats me.
The plot of The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T is all about a small fatherless boy named Bart Collins (played by Tommy Rettig) whose widowed mother Heloise Collins (Mary Healy) is insistent that he learn to play the piano. However, his piano teacher Dr Terwilliker (Hans Conried, in outrageously albeit hilariously OTT mode throughout) is a terrifying figure – and even more so in the nightmare that Bart experiences after falling asleep while practicing his piano playing.
In his nightmare, Bart finds himself imprisoned within the sinister Terwilliker Institute where his bombastic piano teacher is now an insane dictator who has created an enormous piano to be played by 500 enslaved children – his 5,000 fingers. And to make matters even worse, Terwilliker has hypnotized Bart's mother, who works for him at his Institute, in order for her to do his evil bidding against her own child; Terwilliker even plans to marry her, and thus become Bart's new father (all of this scenario potentially representing a subconscious dream-extrapolated fear by Bart that in real life his imperious piano teacher is exerting too much influence on his mother?).
Bart's only 'ally' against the tyrannical Dr T is August Zabladowski (Peter Lind Hayes), a plumber/repairman in the real world who often attends to plumbing jobs and general repairs around their house that Bart's mother is unable to do, and is looked upon by Bart as something of a father figure. In his nightmare, however, Bart encounters Zabladowski carrying out work for Terwilliker at the Institute, but despite Bart's beseeching he seems less willing to believe what the boy is telling him about Terwilliker's machinations and mesmerisings, and more willing simply to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to all of it, in order to ensure that his work is completed on time so that he gets paid by the terrible Terwilliker. Only after encountering the awful truth at first hand (and with most of the movie over with by now anyway) does Zabladowski finally condescend to help poor Bart in rescuing the other 499 enslaved children as well as himself and his mother.
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T originally ran for 2 hours but received such bad previews that it was cut to just 92 mins for its theatrical release – judging from what remains, I dread to think what horrors were deleted! (Actually, I do know of one particularly infamous example, but it's far too distasteful to mention here, in a family-friendly blog, so I won't – check it out on YouTube if you can't contain your curiosity; also, no fewer than nine of the original 20 songs and instrumental numbers were excised following the previews.)
Notable for featuring one of the weakest, most spineless father figure characters I've ever had the displeasure of watching in what is supposed to be a fun-filled kids' movie – yes indeed, Zabladowski, I do mean you! – as well as a brief appearance from a young pre-West Side Story George Chakiris as a dancer, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T is without doubt among the most bizarre, unsettling 'family' films that I have ever seen. Following its ill-fated premiere, when some of the audience apparently walked out after just 15 minutes, even Seuss himself referred to it (and in classic Seuss-speak no less!) as a "debaculous fiasco", and there is no mention of it in his official biography.
Moreover, in view of how dramatically it flopped when first released, I am guessing that many other viewers must have shared my misgivings, and which in turn may well explain why, when finally re-released some years later, this menacing musical was retitled, somewhat aptly, as Crazy Music – as if in a bid to cleanse it of all immediate, tainting connotations with its disastrous debut.
Speaking of music: as seen in the publicity poster opening the present Shuker In MovieLand review, when originally billed as The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T this film musical was advertised with the tag line "Songs You'll Never Stop Singing". Hah! I pride myself as someone with an ear for a catchy tune and clever lyrics, and a memory for recalling such songs long after first hearing them – but those in The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (lyrics by Seuss but music composed by Frederick Hollander) evidently made no impression upon me whatsoever, because I can't recall a single line or melody from any of them.
What on earth went wrong with what must have offered such promise at its concept – a visually gorgeous family-friendly film musical devised by the unfailingly popular Dr Seuss? It should have been a recipe for movie magic, but instead it became a big-screen bomb of atomic proportions (one of which actually features in this movie – don't ask!). In my opinion, and quite apart from the indisputable facts that it lacks both comedy and cohesion, its inherent problem actually lies in its originality, i.e. in the very nature of its staging – as a live-action movie.
We've all seen animated movies in which the villains perform all manner of truly despicable, even deranged acts and activities – but they get away with them as far as not eliciting adverse audience reaction is concerned because they are only cartoon characters, and by definition we tend to suspend disbelief instantly and entirely when watching cartoons.
Live action, however, is a very different matter. What may seem merely zany and detached from reality in animated movies can appear deeply disturbing if attempted in live-action films – and what, therefore, irrefutably damned The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T in my view is that its style of presentation on-screen is to all intents and purposes that of a live-action cartoon. This in itself was not unexpected, because the stories in Dr Seuss's books are indeed presented as cartoons, but The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T revealed that his offbeat, somewhat subversive brand of humorous lunacy simply did not transfer well from a cartoon format into a live-action counterpart.
Remember too that this movie's plot was an original story, not an adaptation from a pre-existing Dr Seuss book – had there been such a book, the audience would have already been familiar with the movie's storyline and thence might not have been so shocked or startled by it. Perhaps, then, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T should have been issued in book form first, and not just to familiarize readers with it but also to test their reaction to it. For if such a book had elicited a bad response, and with unfavourable reviews too, the chances are that no movie of it would ever have been produced, thus saving time, talent, and a very considerable financial input all round.
As it was, the fallout was sufficient for Dr Seuss never to attempt another live-action feature-length movie (a few based on various of his books have been made by others since his passing in 1991), which is a tragedy. Handled differently, I feel sure that he could have created movies as memorable and spellbinding as his books and animated releases. Ironically, however, and as often happens with movies that so notoriously crashed and burned upon their original release long ago, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T has actually attracted quite a cult following in recent years, and is even considered something of an art film – or something, anyway!
If you wish to experience for yourself a sample of what in my opinion is an unequivocally weird but very far from wonderful cinematic curiosity, click here to view an official (albeit rather sludgy-looking!) trailer for The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T on YouTube. Finally (and with apologies to Dr Seuss): I cannot say if you will like, you may prefer to ride a bike, but this I say (no need for thanks), as kiddie fayre this movie tanks!
To view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.
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