My movie watch on 23 July 2022, screened on the British retro TV channel Legend (formerly the Horror Channel), was the mid-1980s swords & sorcery movie Red Sonja, which I'd somehow never got around to watching before. After finally watching it, however, I realised why.
Directed by Richard Fleischer, Red Sonja features a title character who first appeared in the Robert E. Howard fantasy short story The Shadow of the Vulture (1934) but was not incorporated into his Conan the Barbarian/Hyborian Age universe until some time later, by Marvel Comics. Released in 1985 by MGM/UA and Thorn EMI, in the opinion of many viewers and critics alike this is definitely one of those classic "so bad that it's good" films.
Red Sonja stars Danish-born former model Brigitte Nielsen (in her first screen role, aged 21) as the eponymous flame-haired Amazonesque warrior who seeks to kill the evil Queen Gedren of Berkubane (Sandahl Bergman, who was actually the first choice to play Sonja!). Gedren has slaughtered Sonja's family and devastated villages near and far in her insane quest to rule the world, driven by her theft of The Talisman. This is an all-powerful green-glowing orb, but which will destroy the world if not destroyed itself – an additional perilous task that Sonja therefore needs to accomplish.
Assisting Sonja's quest is Lord Kalidor, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger – who was signed up by Dino de Laurentiis to merely play a cameo, but his role was eventually expanded to such a degree that he ended up as co-star, with top billing! Also, his character is deemed by many to be Conan the Barbarian himself, but given a different name here in order to avoid copyright issues.
Also worth mentioning are the precocious, intensely annoying little princeling Tarn (Ernie Reyes Jr) and his much put-upon underling Falkon (Paul L. Smith). Following their rescue by Sonja and Kalidor after Gedren's destruction of Tarn's kingdom, their principal purpose is to provide some brief intervals of light/comic relief between the plenitude of battles and bloodshed.
Speaking of which: both lead stars are superb in the numerous action scenes, and are ably augmented throughout by a stirring soundtrack composed by none other than the maestro of movie music himself, Ennio Morricone, as well as spectacular costumes designed by Danilo Donati. Conversely, their dialogue, and in particular their presentation of it, imho contains about as much expression as the Speaking Clock! As for their non-action acting scenes: not so much Woden as wooden is what I might have said if this fantasy movie had been based upon traditional Norse or Teutonic mythology – but it wasn't, so I won't.
Ah well, at least there is a scene featuring a menacing spider the size of a large dog, and being duly treated as a pet by Gedren, which I assumed was a foreshadowing of arachnid aggression later on in the movie. Sadly, however, no – it never appears again, although one baddie in black attire is referred to as a black spider by one of the goodies.
True, there is a belligerent, frenetic mechanical water beast that behaves rather like a sea serpent on speed, but otherwise this fantasy film is decidedly deficient in monsters. Not one for crypto-fans, therefore, but an entertaining, highly humorous watch for me nonetheless, albeit for reasons probably not envisaged by its creators and contributors!
If you'd like to join forces with Sonja and Kalidor on their noble quest, albeit only for the length of an official Red Sonja movie trailer, be sure to click here to watch one on YouTube.
To view a complete chronological listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE, and please click HERE to view a complete fully-clickable alphabetical listing of them.
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