ONCE UPON A DEADPOOL

 

The official Region 1 Blu-Ray/DVD dual pack of Once Upon A Deadpool (sadly, it has never been released in Region 2, UK/Europe, format) (© Tim Miller/20^th Century Fox/Marvel Entertainment/Kinberg Genre/The Donners' Company/TSG Entertainment - reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

After inflicting untold and unprecedented misery upon the entire world, 2020 is in dire need of being booted into touch at the end of today – and who better to apply said boot than Deadpool? So here, as the subject of my final Shuker In MovieLand review for this year, is a lesser-known cinematic offering starring him.

After purchasing online several months ago a Region 1 Blu-Ray/DVD dual pack of Once Upon A Deadpool from the States that, sadly, never arrived, getting a refund, then recently purchasing another one of it that, happily, did arrive, on 2 December 2020 I finally managed to watch this interesting departure from the typical pathway trodden by Deadpool movies.

This is because Once Upon A Deadpool, released in December 2016, is a special toned-down PG-13 version of Deadpool 2, starring Ryan Reynolds as Marvel Comics' irrepressible Wade Wilson/Deadpool – my all-time favourite comic book anti-/super-hero and fourth wall demolisher par excellence.

As a massive Deadpool fan, I had already watched and greatly enjoyed the unedited Deadpool 2 (click here to read my Shuker In MovieLand review of it, plus my review of the first Deadpool movie). Consequently, the reason why I also wanted this milder version is that it is actually much more than just that.

For Once Upon A Deadpool contains several hilarious new segments featuring Deadpool reading the actual story of the movie (which is the same as in Deadpool 2) to an adult Fred Savage, who famously starred many years earlier as an unrelentingly nice, sweet-natured child in The Wonder Years TV show. Moreover, this initially unexpected addition is soon revealed to be a wickedly funny parody of the fantasy movie The Princess Bride (1987), which of course opened with Peter Falk telling a sanitised version of the movie's storyline to a young Fred in bed – even the bedroom in which the Deadpool segments are shot is a direct take-off of the bedroom in The Princess Bride.

Being a Deadpool movie, however, there is naturally a twist, which is that Fred is tied down, so he has to listen to Deadpool reading him the story, whether or not he wants to – which he definitely doesn't at the beginning! Priceless, and well worth the trials and tribulations endured by me in obtaining the DVD of this film.

Additionally, despite the veritable avalanche of expletives and mindless violence that so characterize Deadpool movies, Once Upon A Deadpool still successfully entertains with consummate ease even though these twin trademarks are largely absent – an interesting turn of events. Equally interesting - or, to be precise, ironic - is that here in the UK, Once Upon A Deadpool actually received the very same film classification ratings certificate, 15, as the unexpurgated Deadpool 2 did! As my American friends would say, go figure!

If you're a Deadpool fan, or even just a fan of super-heroes in general, you definitely need to see Once Upon a Deadpool – a wonderful addition to the Deadpool movie canon. So, to whet your appetite, click here to view its official trailer, and here to view the delightfully droll opening scene, in which Fred finds himself to be a captive audience of Deadpool – literally!

And to view a complete listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE! 

 

Photo-still from the highly amusing opening scene in Once Upon A Deadpool (© Tim Miller/20^th Century Fox/Marvel Entertainment/Kinberg Genre/The Donners' Company/TSG Entertainment - reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

 

 

THE CITY OF LOST CHILDREN

 

The official UK DVD of The City of Lost Children (© Marc Caro & Jean-Pieere Jeunet/Canal+/Centre National de la Cinématographie/Eurimages/France 3 Cinéma/Televisión Española/Union Générale Cinématographique/Concorde-Castle Rock-Turner/StudioCanal – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

On 22 December 2020, I watched the English-dubbed version of a quite extraordinary French fantasy movie, La Cité des Enfants Perdus, known in English as The City of Lost Children and released in 1995.

Directed by Marc Caro and Jean-Pieere Jeunet, and starring Ron Perlman as a carnival strongman named One, it features a surreal steampunk-styled dockside city with Bladerunner overtones in which children are being abducted by a crazed malign scientist aptly named Krank (played by Daniel Emilfork), who wishes to steal their dreams using a bizarre machine created by him, because he himself is unable to dream when asleep.

Krank is aided and abetted by six simple-minded male human clones (all played by Dominique Pinon), a female midget named Martha (Mireille Mossé), and a large disembodied brain named Uncle Irwin (voiced by Jean-Louis Trintignant) floating inside a fluid-filled tank, plus a gang of cyborgs named the Cyclops, who trade Krank stolen children for mechanical eyes and ears. In addition, there is a pair of adult female Siamese twins yet who, inexplicably, are not identical (played by Geneviève Brunet and Odile Mallet), known collectively as the Octopus, who are also utilising children, all of whom are orphans, but in this case as juvenile pickpockets to sustain the twins' Faginesque lust for money and expensive baubles.

When a young child named Denree (Joseph Lucien) looked upon by strongman One as his little brother is abducted by the Cyclops for Krank, One swiftly swings into action, letting nothing get in his way in his attempts to rescue Denree. During One's perilous quest, he is secretly assisted by one of the Octopus's orphan pickpockets, a young girl named Miette (Judith Vittet), as well as by a mysterious amnesiac diver, who just so happens to bear a remarkable facial resemblance to Krank's six clone helpers (and is once again played by Dominique Pinon).

The City of Lost Children is a very complex movie that was co-written by one of its directors, Jeunet, together with Gilles Adrien, but it is also extremely intriguing, and full of weird symbolism that has been fancifully linked in the opinion of some writers to Freemasonry and even the Illuminati. Strange indeed, but it is fascinating to watch – and also to listen to, as it boasts a beautifully melancholic, haunting score composed by eminent American composer Angelo Badalamenti, whose other big (and small) screen successes include the scores for Blue Velvet, Mullholland Drive, and the Twin Peaks TV series.

In addition, his wistful, plaintive song 'Who Will Take My Dreams From Me?, sung evocatively by Marianne Faithfull, plays softly over this movie's end credits – click here to listen to it, and watch the accompanying clips from the film (albeit screened here seemingly through a colour-draining filter for atmospheric effect).

As if all of this were not enough, the extraordinary costumes that elevate this mesmerising movie to an even greater level of idiosyncratic strangeness were designed by none other than avant-garde fashion flourisher Jean-Paul Gaultier. And I haven't even mentioned the troupe of trained fleas that inject a violently-potent aggression-inducing compound into the bloodstream of anyone bitten by them in response to the commands of their owner Marcello (Jean-Claude Dreyfus). Ah, too late, looks like I already have done!

The City of Lost Children is unquestionably one of the most unusual yet memorable movies that I have watched for a long time, its distinctive imagery staying in my mind long after the film had ended. Giving an all-too-brief idea of what to expect if you should decide to watch it yourself, and I heartily recommend that you do, here is an official trailer for this phantasmagorical fantasy experience.

And to view a complete listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE!

 

JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS VS TALOS, TITAN OF BRONZE!

Photo-still of Talos, from Jason and the Argonauts (© Ray Harryhausen/Don Chaffey/Morningside Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

 Every movie buff who is a fan of stop-motion animation will readily recall Talos, the enormous bronze statue who came to life in Ray Harryhausen's classic movie Jason and the Argonauts – more about which later here. But who – or what – exactly was Talos?

In classical Greek mythology, the deity who drove the sun chariot across the sky each day was not actually a god but rather a titan, called Helios, whose most famous artistic representation was none other than the Colossus of Rhodes – an immense statue created by a renowned sculptor known as Chares of Lindos, standing 110 ft tall, covered externally with burnished sheets of bronze, and deemed to be one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Tragically, it stood intact for just 56 years during the 3rd Century BC before being felled by an earthquake.

Athenian vase from c.400-390 BC, depicting Talos and the Argonauts, held at the Museo Jatta at Ruvo in Italy (public domain)

Interestingly, however, long before this spectacular work of art had been created, its subject, Helios, had already become associated with a bronze giant, but this one was of a much more animate nature. In the dialect of Crete, Helios became Talos – and according to Cretan legends incorporated into classical Greek mythology, Talos was a gigantic living man cast entirely from bronze (or brass in some versions) by the fire god Hephaestus. Talos contained a single internal vein running from his neck to his feet, and was sealed at one ankle by a huge bronze nail. This vein was filled with ichor, a magical substance present only within the very blood of the gods themselves, thereby rendering Talos immortal.

After Zeus had seduced the maiden Europa while assuming the form of a great bull, he carried her off on his back across the sea to the island of Crete. When they arrived there, he placed Talos on guard, to ensure that no-one abducted her, and Talos thereafter ran around the island three times every day to keep a constant watch for anyone who may try to rescue her, hurling huge boulders out to sea at any approaching ship. Eventually, Europa became Queen of Crete, but Talos remained, ever vigilant. According to a different version of the Talos legend, he was given by Hephaestus to Minos, King of Crete, as a gift, but once again he guarded the island by running around its perimeter three times a day.

Talos kneeling atop the treasure chamber, from Jason and the Argonauts (© Ray Harryhausen/Don Chaffey/Morningside Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

One of the creepiest scenes in any fantasy film appears in Jason and the Argonauts – a thoroughly enjoyable, albeit decidedly Hollywoodised, treatment of the epic Greek legend. Directed by Don Chaffey and released in 1963, it is filled with classic stop-motion special effects created by the master of screen monsters, Ray Harryhausen. The scene in question is when, while en route to Colchis in order to steal the Golden Fleece, hero Jason (played by Todd Armstrong) and his fellow Argonauts aboard their mighty ship the Argo reach the Isle of Bronze, reputedly guarded by Talos. Yet at least on first sight he seems to be nothing more than a giant bronze statue (one of several in a valley there), sculpted in crouching position on top of a massive chamber serving as a pedestal but packed from floor to ceiling inside with countless treasures. 

Ignoring Jason’s strict instructions not to take anything from the island when they go ashore, two of the Argonauts, Hercules (Nigel Green) and Hylas (John Cairney), plunder the treasure chamber, stealing from it an enormous jewelled brooch that Hercules plans to use as a spear. But as they re-emerge with the pin and look up at the enormous statue of Talos on top of the chamber, to their horror the 'statue' suddenly turns its head with a loud graunching sound and looks down at them! And as they watch, terror-stricken, Talos swiftly comes totally alive and steps down from the chamber, poised to stomp on them like tiny ants as they flee before him, racing back to their ship to alert the other Argonauts of the monster that their greed has unleashed upon them all.

TOP: That eerie moment when Talos turns his head to look at a terrified Hercules, from Jason and the Argonauts (© Ray Harryhausen/Don Chaffey/Morningside Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only); BOTTOM: fantasy artist Richard Svensson's vibrant interpretation of this iconic movie moment (© Richard Svensson)

Happily, Talos is rendered immobile once more, when, guided by the voice of the goddess Hera (Honor Blackman), Jason successfully prises out of his heel the cork that retains his body's vital ichor, which gushes out from his vein, bringing Talos's immortality to an abrupt end. Nevertheless, Hylas does not escape from paying the ultimate price for having assisted Hercules in pilfering the brooch pin from the treasure chamber, because after been immobilised, Talos crashes to the ground, crushing the hapless Hylas beneath his immense prone form.

In the original Jason myth, conversely, Talos himself removes the ichor-retaining nail from his ankle after being bewitched by the sorceress-priestess Medea (who was accompanying Jason and the Argonauts back home after they had seized the Golden Fleece at Colchis), and thereby brings about his own death. Also, Hylas is not killed by Talos's falling bronze form, but is instead abducted alive from the island by a naiad or water nymph who has fallen in love with him.

Talos stepping down from the treasure chamber, ready to pursue and pulverise the hapless Hercules and Hylas, from Jason and the Argonauts (© Ray Harryhausen/Don Chaffey/Morningside Productions/Columbia Pictures – reproduced on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for educational/review purposes only)

Unlike the Colossus of Rhodes, which unquestionably once existed, there is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that Talos was ever anything more substantial than a figure of legend. Nevertheless, as an animate metallic humanoid entity in the annals of world mythology, he may well lay claim to being the world’s first robot (long before the likes of such early modern-day counterparts as 'the Man-Machine' in Fritz Lang's classic 1927 movie Metropolis, for instance) – were it not of course for the fact that in his murderous pursuit of any hapless visitors to his island domain, he clearly paid scant regard to Isaac Asimov’s celebrated Three Laws of Robotics!

Finally: please click here to view the chilling scene from Jason and the Argonauts when Talos comes to life - even more creepy than the Weeping Angels on Doctor Who, and that's saying something!

And to view a complete listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE! 

Poster advertising a screening of Metropolis in Hay-on-Wye, the Welsh 'town of books', in March 2011 (© Dr Karl Shuker)

 

 

THE LITTLE MATCHGIRL

 

Official video for The Little Matchgirl (© Michael Custance/HTV/Picture Base International – reproduced here on a strictly non-commercial Fair Use basis for reproduction purposes only)

Exactly a year ago today, on Boxing Day 2019, I had just finished watching a chance discovery on YouTube that was both festive and thoroughly charming, yet, tragically, is all but forgotten nowadays. Indeed, although I'd heard of it. I never expected to ever see it.

I refer to The Little Matchgirl (aka The Little Match Girl), directed by Michael Custance, the 1986 TV film version of Jeremy Paul and Leslie Stewart's 1975 stage musical Scraps, which resets Hans Christian Andersen's famous fairy tale in a Dickensian Christmas where the action and songs all take place in and around a London square. Yet despite starring such luminaries as Sir Michael Hordern (who introduces the movie) and Stratford Johns (as the Rich Man), The Who's lead singer/actor Roger Daltrey (Jebb Macklin, the little matchgirl's widowed father), model-turned-actress Twiggy (singer Josie Roberts), and veteran British comedian Jimmy Jewel (the Rich Man's butler), as well as introducing Natalie Morse in the title role, if known at all today it is due entirely to one particular song featured in it.

For when this song was brought to the attention of a certain Cliff Richard in 1988, it was instantly recorded by him (albeit with somewhat altered, more religious lyrics), and became not only the UK's Christmas #1 single for that year but also the bestselling single in the UK for that entire year. The song? 'Mistletoe and Wine'.

As for the movie, this is both moving and entertaining, and special mention must go to Russell Lee Nash, who plays the little matchgirl's slightly older friend Arthur with delightful Cockney charm. Equally, plaudits are due to Roger Daltrey, who plays her father, once quite the dandy but now, as described in the title of a song sung by him in the movie, reduced to a ragged man, near-penniless and an alcoholic, on account of his continued grief at the death of his wife, the matchgirl's mother.

Anyone who has read the original fairy story knows what a poignant tale 'The Little Matchgirl' is, and that it does not end happily (although a brief upbeat finale has been tagged onto it here in this movie musical), and the film retains this semi-tragic quality throughout. However, it is interspersed with several joyful and magical musical segments, and deserves very much to be revived on television, to become as much a festive favourite as The Snowman and The Wizard of Oz.

I am very happy indeed to have discovered The Little Matchgirl, a veritable gem of a film musical that was even nominated for an International Emmy in 1987, and so will you be if you watch it. So here is a clickable link to the entire movie as currently viewable for free on YouTube. I have since succeeded in purchasing it on DVD – it was earlier released on video too, as seen in this review's opening picture – so that even if it suddenly vanishes from YouTube, I shall still be able to rewatch it whenever I choose.) Finally: beginning at 43 min 53 sec into the movie is the original version of 'Mistletoe and Wine', featuring this song's nowadays rarely-heard, rather more secular lyrics than those in Cliff's modified version.

And to view a complete listing of all of my Shuker In MovieLand blog's other film reviews and articles (each one instantly accessible via a direct clickable link), please click HERE!